When the Lights Go Out

Morning walk

[Seamus Narrates]

Of course there is no such thing as climate change as we bathe in the 70 degree humidity on a November morning in the northeast United States. For us long haired doggies the few days of crisp cold air we’d been gifted got me a little frisky, not to mention randy and when I tried to take it out on Tessa I received a scratch and howl for my efforts.

Slowed down from the heat I turned to other forms of entertainment and couldn’t believe my crossed eyes when I came upon this little tidbit in the pile of papers destined for the wood stove. Naturally I just had to bring it up in conversation on our morning walk round the pond.

SEAMUS
Hey, mom, did you read the interview with Ted Koppel in the AARP Bulletin?

MOM
Seamus, what did I tell you about reading my AARP? You’re to young for that type of news.

MAYA
Actually in human years I’m 60 and Shay is 48 years old. We can handle hearing what Ted Koppel has to say. Preach it, little brother.

SEAMUS
Well, ahem and hallelujah sister Maya. I stand here today to tell you that there will be a cyber attack that will close down the country’s power grid leaving us all in the dark. Did you read it, mom?

MOM
I’m afraid I was distracted by the radiant aura of Oprah’s spirituality gracing the cover.

SEAMUS
Well, try turning the page, mom, because we need your cooperation on this one.

MAYA
Good god mom, there will be mayhem and Mad Max madness with people running amok in search of food and water.

MOM
Maya, honey, have you gotten religion lately?

Tessa

TESSA
Once again I am here to counter what the uneducated canines are trying to say. AHEM…following hurricane Irene the power grid was down for over a month and people rallied to help each other through the mess. I was living under the house at the time and the f***ing generator was driving me crazy.

MAYA
Are we prepared for the inevitable crash, mom? Is there a months supply of doggie food we can buy, lock up and hang the key around my neck? I will guard it with my life.

SEAMUS
Hahahaha, give Maya the key and she’ll have the food eaten in 24 hours.

MOM
I see here in the interview that Koppel says we need to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

MAYA
Right, which means no flowing water, no refrigeration, no electricity and no heat if it happens in the dead of winter.

Food to be ordered

MOM
Wouldn’t it be considerate of the hacker to wait until summertime to close us down?

SEAMUS
Ya think? Koppel said “worst case scenario” not a vacation at an ashram.

MOM
Look here, I can make a list of dried beans and grains to store. Also nuts, seeds and canned foods.

MAYA
Lot’s of doggie food, put that down, twice.

MOM
Ok Maya, any particular brand or flavor I should purchase?

TESSA
Just buy my favorite cat food and we can all share if the rest of the food runs out.

MOM
Charming. I shall look forward to the experience, but I’m thinking of something more human grade for myself, Tessa.

MAYA
What about those Super Foods you’ve been using?

SEAMUS
Yeah, the green stuff you sprinkle in our food. I know you think we don’t notice, but it does have a distinctive flavor, mom.

TESSA
That stuff is what keeps you so frisky and randy pup, so maybe mom should stop feeding it to you and give me a break.

MOM
Good idea Seamus! The elixir of life those green food powders. They have a long shelf life, are nutrient rich and only need water to mix with and provide our daily dose of nutrients.

SEAMUS
Yeah, well the water part may be an issue, but hey, let’s think positive, that’s what Ted Koppel says.

MOM
You know I may even lose a few pounds when the lights go out. After a certain age the weight clings to the hips like a rejected lover.

TESSA
Hahahaha, you can call it the Lights Out Cleanse.

SEAMUS
Hahaheehee, better even is the Cyber Attack Detox!

MOM
You know I think we’re on to something. The Ultimate Survival Diet Plan. Yes, I like it.

MAYA
Google the hacker and set it up to be done before Christmas so everyone can detox and be looking good at their New Years Eve party.

MOM
Do you realize that this could mean the thinning of America!

TESSA
I don’t know, a forced detox can make for some ugly moods.

MAYA
Yeah, big bellied carnivores on sprouted green powders is not a pretty picture. The guns will come out and everyone will be shooting at whatever moves.

MOM
Well, what we can do is prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

TESSA
You may want extra green powders on hand to share, cause the pups will look like eight meaty chicken legs running around and will probably taste like that too…..

MOM
Tessa, what a horrible thing to say!

TESSA
Just saying. Hey, wait a minute, get away growling mongrels, I was just joking.

Get away mongrels

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s